I LOVE YOOOOOOOU! -Brother Love
With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, WWE Superstars and Divas race to find their significant other in the locker room to spend the annual holiday. From Stephanie McMahon and Triple H to Glamarella, WWE has a storied history of composing relationships among wrestlers and Divas alike, whether they be strictly for storyline purposes or even legitimate. However, every relationship has its respective share of issues, especially when it comes to the ever-changing world of pro wrestling. Using my high school knowledge of what works in relationships and what doesn’t, I attempt to analyze each couple in the WWE today and see what the future might hold. Which ones have the ability to sink or swim?
Dolph Ziggler and Vickie Guerrero
Personally, I’d call this relationship more of a “gold digger” shindig than actual love at first sight. Since Dolph Ziggler is only 31 while Vickie Guerrero is aged at 43 years old, if that isn’t considered rape to you, then I don’t know what is. Don’t get me wrong, Vickie has certainly improved her look over the years, but I can’t see whatever Eddie Guerrero ever saw in her. Much like Ziggler, Edge and Eric Escobar were only into Vickie for the perks, such as the title shots and power. Expect to see the bleached-blonde Superstar ditch Guerrero once he finally gets what he wants: a run with the WWE Championship. You would think that by now Vickie would have learned in lesson and not fall for guys that only like her for her money.
Tamina and JTG
Talk about a mismatch. While Tamina hails from the prestigious Samoan islands, JTG is type of guy that the typical father wouldn’t let his daughter date for obvious reasons. That was the exact original reason why Tamina joined the Brooklyn brawler in the first place: to make the Usos jealous. Once that was accomplished, she slowly fell for the fly JTG over time, but of course, it wouldn’t last long. She soon realized that the gold in his teeth was nothing compared to the Divas Championship. Once again, JTG is flying solo. See what I did there?
Zack Ryder and Eve
Zack Ryder is just that lovable loser you just have to give a chance to in order to leave you alone. However, in Eve’s case, she ended up falling for him instead. I must say the two have great chemistry, but she’s been on the receiving end of more stalking from Kane in recent weeks than anything else. Following past relationships with Lita, Kelly Kelly, and the unfortunate Katie Vick, I’d be concerned if I was Ryder and Kane was hanging around my girlfriend. It’s only a matter of time before Eve realizes that all this pain just isn’t worth it.
Tyson Kidd and Natalya
Being one of the few legitimate relationships that can be related to reality, Tyson Kidd and Natalya are the couple that’s meant to be. She’s been with him since his debut three years ago to this very day. Every great couple has their hardships, and in this case, it was Natalya locking Kidd in a sharpshooter to show her disgust in what he’d become. Nonetheless, it might be Kidd now who might be having second thoughts given Natalya’s recent flatulence problems. If my girlfriend blamed her farts on me, I’d give her the cold shoulder too.
Daniel Bryan and AJ
This was the one relationship that I wanted to see come to fruition in 2011 and, sure enough, it did. They make the perfect couple since both are nerdy in their own way, excellent wrestlers and can still fit into clothes at Babies "R" Us. Everything was going well for a short while until Big Show accidentally ran over the 95-pound Diva on an episode of SmackDown last month. It seems as if Bryan is only using AJ for sympathy and protection, which has become blatantly obvious to almost everyone except for AJ herself. If an idiot like Michael Cole can see that, then why can’t the oblivious AJ see it? Remember, this is after the fact that AJ quickly confessed her love for him and Bryan responded with, “I appreciate that.” It’s a couple straight out of junior high: The premature girl think she’s in love, the guy uses her to get what he wants, and the girl ends up getting hurt in the end (in this case, it’s physically). If AJ doesn’t come to her senses soon, things will not end well by any means.
Derrick Bateman and Maxine
Obviously, every relationship has its respective share of problems, but none more than the coupling of NXT: Redemption’s Derrick Bateman and Maxine. As much as I don’t want to refer to Maxine as “the girl who gets around,” it certainly is leaning that way after dating both Bateman and Johnny Curtis numerous times in the past few months. Derrick has to realize soon that she just isn’t worth the agony he’s going through, since Curtis is hell-bent on making their relationship a living hell. The love triangle just recently expanded when Kaitlyn, who is slowly falling for Bateman, was thrown into the mix. I knew jealously was a major factor in high school relationships, but it seems as if it’s easy to encounter in the WWE locker room as well. Sure, Maxine is attractive, but her mind games are slowly tearing Bateman apart. If you’re looking for high school drama and anything but wrestling, I strongly suggest checking out an episode of NXT.
Epico, Primo, and Rosa Mendes
While neither Primo nor Epico seem to be in a relationship with their manager Rosa Mendes at the moment, I wouldn’t be surprised if their respective love for her got in the way of their friendship. Although they’re the WWE Tag Team Champions, that doesn’t mean Rosa won’t split them apart. I mean, come on, her booty shaking and spicy stature is simply irresistible. It’s a simple case of two friends wanting the same girl, but only one can get the prize known as the sexy Rosa Mendes. But seriously, who wouldn’t want to tap that?
Follow Graham on Twitter @SAVE_US_GSM